Stop it
by littleangelheart
Summary: There are things you have to sacrifice for the safety of your family. What if Tony found Zivas trails? What if he knows that she is alive? Post "Family First"


**With Zivas Comeback and her not answers about Tony knowing or not... I got the idea for this story. **

**What if there is more reason for Tony and Tali to still stay in Paris?**

**What if he found her trails?**

**This is my take on what happened between "Family First" and "Out of the Darkness".**

**Beware of the Drama, Angst and little bit of Romance(?)**

**Enjoy!**

**(This is my first fanci in a foreign language... so please don't be too harsh =])**

"Stop it!"

The phone is suddenly shaking in his hand. He can barely hear her over the thumping of his own heartbeat. What's going on?

_BADUMM!_

"Stop digging, Tony", she whispers, her voice also trembling at the last syllables.

Fifteen letters. This couldn't be.

_BADUMM!_

"He's reminding himself to breath and his legs give up on carrying him, as he sinks to the floor in the middle of his hotel room in Paris. A minute ago he was to lie down and go to sleep, tired from a trip through the town with a ninja-like toddler. Now he's wide awake, still believing he's already asleep.

"It's been almost three years since he last heard the sound of this voice and it feels like a miracle.

"Zi?", Tony finally cracks.

"Shh, do not say this", she shushes him immediately. "Please. Do not say my name! And stop looking for me. It's too dangerous!"

The palpitations getting heavier and the words almost stuck in his throat again as he barely presses out:

"What…? Why…? How?"

She sucks in the air, but her reply is sharp, almost cold. „It does not matter!"

Even in his limp state, even after years, he can read her like an open book, hear the truth in every lie. His mind is racing, debating whether to scream in anger or in relief. She's there and he's not completely gone mad. He tries to swallow the sandpaper feeling, but it's right in his tongue.

"Sure it does, oh my god. I thought you… we… Tali…"

He is rarely lost at words but right now it seems like he can't form a full sentence in a grammatical order. She swallows, trying the same way to water her dry mouth. Silence settles.

"Yes. I am sorry", Ziva murmurs suddenly again, barely noticable as Tony burrows his head in his hands. In… Out… In… Out… She isn't dead. She isn't dead. In…Out. Maybe he should've pinched himself? A strangled laugh escapes his mouth.

"Ha. So, I was right"

For almost a minute there is nothing but silence again, blood rushing in veins, almost soundless sobs and Tony takes a full breath before starting to speak - needing two attempts.

"What… what the hell happened, Z… Where are you?"

At first she refrains, but as Ziva speaks at last her voice seems getting stronger with every word she's pressing through her lips and he needs both trembling arms to secure his sitting position. He starts to shift the weight.

"The less you know…"

"Bull", he exclaims.

"No! It's for your safety. Please, stop looking for me. I beg you…"

"You must be kidding!"

Carefully he stands up again, only to start pacing. He still can't believe it. They've been to Tel Aviv, Bersheva, Munich, Paris, asking old friends and contacts,  
picking up crumbs on their way, had had doors thrown into their faces, not telling anyone of their family, nevertheless getting hopes up and now… it still feels unbelievable.

"You can't mean this", he breaks. "Especially now. Like this? With a f*ing CALL? Tell me what the heck is going on or I call McGee and track you down!"

The tiny pink shoe standing in his way takes an unexpected flying lesson as a foot hits it and it's partner follows right away, crashing against the adjoining bathroom door.

"This is a burner phone, I will get rid of it - right after this. And do not dare, bringing him into this!"

"Yes, I will!"

"It takes half a second to stopp himself from punching the nearest wall, remembering the little girl sleeping on the other side.

"No!", she screams back, fear evident.

"Yes!"

"No! They are after me, but they do not care about you. They do not know about… Do not get in the line, Tony. There is a reason I sent Tali to you…"

His mind travels for a second time to his daughter, who's probably dreaming about some funny nonsense. It's been almost three month and they slowly get in the groove. But there are days he still can't wrap a finger around the fact that he's a father now.  
Lil T and her Abba…

"I still don't understand…" He responds, letting the voice calm down.

"You will" Ziva whispers, her thoughts by their daughter too. „There are things you have to sacrifice – for the safety of your family."

"Don't do this to me… You dropped off the face of earth, faking your death. And then you call in the middle of the night, still shutting me off. How am I supposed to handle this? Hearing this on the phone… How shall this work? Stop LOOKING?! How am I, are we, supposed to live with this? We are due to get back to DC in a week and once we're there the team will know. I can't keep this from them. Let me help!"

"No, not you"

"Oh, yes me"

"You could die." She has startet crying by now, her words slowly getting slurred again.

"That's funny, coming for you, Dead-Woman-Walking"

"That is different. You're angry. Anger makes you careless

"No, it's not and of course I am FURIOUS. You left me a mess! But how can you even believe that I wouldn't wanna come?"

She sucks in the air and clutches a hand to her mouth.

Because except you… no one questioned my death, no one looked into the case. I left NCIS, I never called, never told you about Tali and now you're all

"Nevermind… I already went to safe you more than once... being ready to die. I'm sure you remember our funny vacation to Disneyland Resort Somalia! There's another threat? Fine! I already took out Kort and the gang, another monster doesn't hurt!" He spats.

"But that was before. A lot has changed - I am not myself anymore. It's been such a long time, I left and hurt all of you. So, I should not be surprised that…"

"… that I'm the only one digging in the DIRT, questioning your so called DEATH? I had to - for my f*ing SANITY! Yes, it's been years and a lot bad things happened. I can't speak for Gibbs, McGee or Abby! They kinda accepted your staged version of the truth, but nothing changed for me. You. Are. Still. My. Family. I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW!"

"I need to do this alone. I can not drag you into this. Tali needs you."

"She needs you more. She doesn't know me."

"That is not true. Right now I…" she stops midsentence. „I would not be able to be a good mother."

"That's bullshit… and I need you, too – we both do. All I know about kids is what I hear and learn from Palmer and that can't be good either."

It's meant as a joke, beneath his anger, but neither of them laughs.

"You're doing good, Tony… and… you do not know how sorry I am… but it's not the time for this."

"And when will that be? How long is this supposed to be? A month, a year?"

"I do not know"

"So what do you?"

"Tony…"

"No, you're asking me to step back! I can't believe it! Who knew abou this mission? The scary Mossad-Godmother? Adam? I asked them, asked them a thousand times! Did they lie to me? They did, right? And now you're asking me to lie to my family, even the whole world? For an indefinite period of time? Asking me to wait for you? That's cruel… you better shouldn't have called."

He's bitter, so bitter and extremely tired. She probably can't answer the questions and this whole conversation is just freaking frightening,  
heartbreaking and weird.

_BADUMM!_  
_BADUMM!_

How do you know if you're having a bad stroke? Or an anxiety attack? Both couldn't be far of right now.  
Tony stops by the window, eyes not focusing in the dark, probably not realizing that she is merely 30 feet away, watching every step he took the moment he  
entered his room. She contemplated about visiting, talking face to face, but in the end she couldn't muster the courage.

"I am not asking you to wait. You should live your life, be happy…"

"And how the hell is that supposed to work?"

They never talked much about their relationship and it's been years, but the "what if", "what could be" still lingers in every word, is asleep merely down the hall.

"How shall I be able to move on from… this… knowing you're out there… being on your whatever kind of suicide mission? You got any back up?"

"Try to. And I will be trying my best to come… home… This time I will be fighting!"

They sigh in unisono.

"So you won't call again." He states and her silence afterwards speaks louder than any reply.

Tony grasps at the last straw:  
"Wanna come upstairs?"

She isn't asking how he knows, if he had the gut feeling all along, because that's just what it is. She listens, he talks, they perceive.  
He doesn't expect an answer, because they don't always need the words to understand each other.

"I needed to ask"

"I know"

"If I let you do this, you gonna let me know that you're still alive, right?"

She sighs.

"I'll try"

"Promise"

"Tony"

"Promise, Ziva! "

And this time she doesn't object to hearing her name.

"I do"

"Good"

There is more, lingering in the air. They don't talk much about feelings and now is not the time to start. There will be a time to fight, to scream, to forgive, maybe  
to repair and grow back together. So the air's getting heavier by the minute and it's meaning becomes deeper with every passing second.

"I need to go"

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"I..." She breaks. "... take care."

"Take care, Ninja"

And that's it. The call ends, his phone screen returns to black. Everything is the same and nothing is at all.

A minute afterwards a woman with curly hair hidden under the cap of her dark jacket, leaves the house on the other side of the street.

Her eyes travel one more time up to the third store of the building in front. Keeping eye contact with the forty-something year old man, standing by the window for just a second, pondering one more time if it's the right thing to do.

He holds up one hand to the glass like a greeting. It's the last time they'll see each other for a long, long time and both of their faces are strained with tears.  
But the moment doesn't last and in the next second she's hurrying down the street, her silhouette disappearing in the nightly City of love.

How ironic.

* * *

This night Anthony DiNozzo doesn't sleep, regret already nagging at his mind, but by the time of dawn he made a decision.

The device in his hand weighs a ton as he dials. She had been brave enough to reach out and so… this shouldn't be that hard.  
It rings just two times and he has barely prepared his words as it's answered.

"Hey Tim..." He tries to catch his breath.

"No, we're fine... But listen I need to tell you something. It's important..."

"Abba?" It's Talis faint voice coming from her room and he closes his eyes. He's tired from all of this.

"It has to stop. I can't do this to Tali."

So that's it. One last sentence. He has to tear everything apart, just to hold it together. The best intentions, right?

"We're not coming back to DC... we'll stay here... in Paris. I'm sorry."


End file.
